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| Photograph taken by Matilda in 2011 |
I started recounting my experiences with sunbirds in the post Lessons (1) and related how I felt them to be divine messengers of hope to me. After the sunbird trusted me to help it to safety I wondered whether I dared to believe that it was an analogy I could make my own: if a wild bird trusted me to help it out of a tight spot, then surely I could count on deliverance if I found myself in difficulty? I only have to trust the "finger" being held for me and get onto it. Some part of me thought it to be a somewhat literal interpretation of what seemed to be a rather odd and isolated event. But it also made me feel safe.
After my divorce I moved into a tiny
cottage quite close to where I have been living for
the 23 years of my marriage. My youngest son (fresh into his teens) wasn’t yet ready to leave the farm where he was born to come and live with me and I
wanted to be close by to get him to and from school everyday.
The time on my own
was difficult but necessary and healing. I went through the deep pain of the
terrible loss that every divorce surely brings. I felt extremely alone and unsure of where I was heading. The future seemed very dark.
One Saturday
afternoon in December 2006 I was relaxing in the lounge, reading, when I
heard a flutter against the windows of the enclosed porch. I have had a couple
of doves and other birds fly in through the sliding door since I had moved
in there, but they usually managed to find their own way out again. I listened to
hear if it would be the case with this one as well.
The fluttering
continued, so I went to investigate. It was a female sunbird! She flew about
a bit and then settled onto the curtain rail.
I felt as if I was
sleepwalking. I felt the same strong urge as before to reach for her and this time I didn’t
hesitate. I fetched a chair and got onto it to
be able to reach the bird. I put out my hand and she immediately got onto my
forefinger.
I then walked out
the door and stood in the garden with the sunbird perched on my finger. She
just sat there for what must have been 5 minutes or more! She seemed quite content and was not at all dazed or stunned.I held her right in
front of me and turned my hand this way and that to get a good look at her. I
could make out every feather and the tiny claws clasped around my finger. It is
a feeling I will never forget.
Then she just shook
herself a bit and flew off.
This time round I realised that it couldn't be dismissed as coincidence. If it had been any other type of bird or if wild sunbirds are prone to hopping onto fingers to hitch rides, then maybe. But I found no evidence of this in the research I did afterwards. I felt it significant that it again was a female sunbird, as in the first instance.
I gratefully started accepting that I was in fact being told something about God’s loving care of
me. That if I felt trapped or just incapable of handling something, I could get
onto His/Her finger. If a wild bird could trust me enough to allow
me to help it to get back to freedom, I surely could trust God to do the same! But my rational mind still couldn't fully grasp it.
I seem to be sensitized to notice sunbirds. Sometimes I see them when I feel really alone and
frightened but also at other times when the sight of them just warms my heart because of what they have come to symbolise for me. I have never consciously asked to be shown a sunbird, but have often realised how much I needed to see one once I did!
A curious synchronicity occurred when I bought a book on women’s spirituality at one of my second-hand book shop haunts. Only once I was at home I realised with a shock that the cover page illustration shows a woman
holding out her hand and a sunbird/hummingbird flying down to sit on it! The
book’s title is “A Woman’s guide to spiritual renewal” by Nelly Kaufer and
Carol Osmer-Newhouse.
I then started to
search for the symbolism in this, mainly on the internet, but could find nothing. Until 2010, when my search led me to the Bird Cards, a metaphysical system tapping into the vibrational healing properties of birds, intuited by Jane Toerien and depicted in 55 pictures by Joyce van Dobben.
In this system, the Sunbirds carry the energy of abundance, both in prosperity and in companionship. As Jane puts it: "A sunbird in your garden is like a precious little jewel, sent by God to remind you that the abundance of the universe is yours to enjoy." Looking back, I realised that I have experienced all of this in the four years that had passed since the divorce. I moved into my own home in 2008 and in my relationship with George, have found an astounding soulmateship. I opened my art studio at the end of 2010 and was starting to truly find myself an individual, and as an artist.
At that stage, I felt the sunbird experiences helped see me through the difficult period after the divorce. I felt blessed and grateful to have had the constant reminder of God's care. Maybe I even felt that they had served their purpose.
But still they are at it! I seem to be a sunbird magnet, as some of my friends jokingly say. There's hardly a place I go to where I'm not aware of a sunbird in the vicinity. I sometimes look out a window at the exact moment a sunbird settles onto a telephone wire or a flower. In 2011 I spent a whole hour photographing a male sunbird feasting on an agapanthus flower head, allowing me to come to within a meter of it without taking any notice of me whatsoever.
Which had me wondering whether I'm still not getting it? Can there be even more to this conversation? It seems I was in for some more training.
Matilda
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