Singing the Blues (1) - The whys and wherefores

I love the Blues.

Saying that, I realise that there is so much that I still have to discover. What specific type of Blues is it that I love – Detroit Blues, Memphis Blues, Delta Blues? I’m not quite sure. Blues has gone through so many stages and still has such a huge influence on other genres of music that it is very difficult to narrow down and categorize. I would say I lean more towards Delta Blues. Where they use the acoustic guitar to its fullest. Where they sometimes tap with their fingers on the body of the guitar and where the strings have a sound as if they’re not tight enough. It has a certain twang to it. The piano, harmonica and other instruments being used tend to roll and wail. Without necessarily using percussion instruments, there is a deep beat to my type of Blues. And the main thing, it is somehow raw, touching the primal.

So, I am constantly listening and looking for my Blues. And without being able to categorize it exactly, I definitely know when I find it. John Lee Hooker sings my type of Blues. Complete with bottle caps under his shoes to keep the beat. Some of Katie Melua’s songs are my Blues and to a degree those of George Thorogood, Eric Clapton and Van Morrison. I’ve heard that Cyndi Lauper’s Blues album is very good. And I’m gradually discovering that there is a lot of what I’m looking for in Jazz.

I was therefore quite thrilled, being in this constant learning curve, to discover some very fundamental Blues rules while surfing the internet. The guys from the band Toledo Kesch rightly say that it is not perfect but it’s a start:

1. Most Blues begin with: "Woke up this morning..."

2. "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town."

3. The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then, find something that rhymes -- sort of:

“Got a good woman with the meanest face in town.
Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town.
Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher and she weigh 500 pound."

4. The Blues is not about choice. "You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch...ain't no way out."

5. Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs, and broken-down trucks.

Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles.

Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft and state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the Blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die.

6. Teenagers can't sing the Blues. They ain't fixin' to die yet.

Adults sing the Blues. In Blues, "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

7. Blues can take place in New York City, but not in Hawaii or anywhere in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle are probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, Kansas City, Memphis, and N'awlins are still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the Blues in any place that don't get rain.

8. A man with male pattern baldness ain't the Blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg 'cause you were skiing is not the Blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it is.

9. You can't have no Blues in an office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster. 

10. Good places for the Blues:

a. highway,
b. jailhouse,
c. empty bed,
d. bottom of a whiskey glass.

11. Bad places for the Blues:

a. Nordstrom's,
b. gallery openings,
c. Ivy League institutions,
d. golf courses.

12. No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, less you happen to be an old person, and you slept in it.

13. Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if:

a. you're older than dirt,
b. you're blind,
c. you shot a man in Memphis,
d. you can't be satisfied.

No, if:

a. you have all your teeth,
b. you were once blind but now can see,
c. the man in Memphis lived,
d. you have a 401 K or trust fund.

14. Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the Blues. Sonny Liston could have. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the Blues.

15. If you ask for water and your darlin' gives you gasoline, it's the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are: 

a. cheap wine,
b. whiskey or bourbon,
c. muddy water,
d. black coffee.

The following are NOT Blues beverages:

a. Perrier,
b. Chardonnay,
c. Snapple,
d. Slim Fast.

16. If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So are the electric chair, substance abuse, and dying lonely on a broken-down cot.

You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or while getting liposuction.

17. Some Blues names for women:

a. Sadie,
b. Big Mama,
c. Bessie,
d. Jennie.

18. Some Blues names for men: 

a. Joe,
b. Willie,
c. Little Willie,
d. Big Willie.

19. Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Jennifer, Debbie, and Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

20. Blues Name Starter Kit:

a. name of physical infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.),
b. first name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Peach, etc.),
c. last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.).

For example: Blind Lemon Jefferson, Pegleg Lime Johnson, or Cripple Peach Fillmore, etc.

21. I don't care how tragic your life is; if you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues, period. Sorry.

Definitely no scientific research paper, but it helps to get the feel of the music and its lyrics. And I may be disqualified from singing the Blues, but nothing prevents me from enjoying it. It has soul. Or as the character “Nighthawk” Cummings in The Bridges of Madison County puts it:

“And man, he cried while he talked. He cried big tears, the kind it takes an old man to cry, the kind it takes a saxophone to play.”

I would love to grow in a spirituality that’s able “to play the big tears”. I’ve experienced too much religion that couldn’t.

George