You're in the country

Photograph by George Angus

You know you live in the country when:

- You drive for kilometres on end on the wrong side of the dirt road because for some reason or the other that side has fewer ditches and muddy patches. And of course because there are no cars coming from the opposite direction;
- “At least 3 km” is one way of pronouncing “Neighbour”. “Support” is another;
- They tell you in town that you can bring the empty gas bottle next time you come in. And then let you pay for the refill as if you’ve already done that;
- It is pitch dark when you switch off your lights at night. And dead silent. The call of the Spotted Eagle Owl does not count as noise;
- You are constantly reminded that our solar system has a Milky Way;
- People understand that you have a spanner in mind when you are looking for a “bobbejaan” (Afrikaans word for “Baboon”). And that you use that, a shifting and pliers often;
- You cannot phone anybody when there is no water in the taps or when the sewage is blocked. You have to fix it yourself. Which also means that you are familiar with the whole route of your water supply and that at one time or the other you had trouble with every one of the sections on that route – from origin to drain;
- They don’t deliver. Maybe a water tank or bricks if you’re lucky, but definitely not pizza;
- You can see through the side of the milk pitcher that milk consists of cream and milk. And long life it is not;
- The sun sets behind a horizon, not a roof or a wall;
- The ratio animal-human per square kilometre is about 6 to 1;
- You wait for the “Where exactly is it?” after you’ve answered the question: “Where do you live?”;
- The term “Country Estate” somehow does not apply;
- Friends and family visiting from Gauteng sleep over;
- You know there are people reading through your list who are of the opinion that you are actually talking about the sticks;
- The chances are extremely good that despite the spaciousness and the sparse population somewhere you are going to run into yourself and somehow you are going to get to know yourself better in the process;
- You are glad to be back here after you’ve been to the city.


George